The minds of others.

Have you ever know someone that has committed suicide? Unfortunately I don't live in the strongest place in the world so I know a few, 3 this month if you want a recent count, was this person showing basic signs of it? Did they admit they wanted it? Could you kind of see it coming? Or did it just appear out of the blue to one of the most happiest and most beautiful people you know inside and out? This is what I just went through no less then 30 minutes ago. I don't know how to react.

I didn't know her well, just one of those people that you meet at a party, she was popular, very beautiful and nice and a tone of fun that night. Why would someone with a life like this want it all over? Its hard for me to understand, I have had some really hard times with what goes on inside my head, but I've never tied a knot in the rope and hung from some where high. What must be going through someone's head? What was going through her head?

The ironic thing is that we will never know what goes through their head the seconds before it happens, because they're now gone from this world. This is something that will always be in this world, but if we don't know what was going through there head or what was causing it can we really help it? I know all the lab coats say we can with drugs and therapy, but I only believe you can heal wounds and broken legs with drugs and therapy, not a mental illness even though it helps for a while nothing gets cured. I think for it to be cured it means it never comes back in your natural lifetime which hopefully is to ripe old age, and it can only be cured if at the start of you going on a journey to fix yourself everything goes perfect. You may not know what you need, but you need it happen just right. Even after everything you need has happened and have realised everything and believed everything you need to, then things get better. Start to anyway.

Please, I hope this doesn't offend anyone, these are my personal thoughts, and in the state I am in now I don't even know if I should be posting things on the internet, but I have no self control on normal days, so here it goes.

Those days

Those days where you want to call work and say you've been eaten by a dinosaur.


Also I have to get up early tomorrow morning



Casually throwing a princess tantrum

Bought Battlefield!

So today the other day I bought Battlefield 2, but I haven't had time to play it yet, but while I was in the shower my boyfriend started playing it (he's much better at cod btw) and he was a bit of an epic fail..

I don't blame him though, I've never played battlefield and call of duty and modern warfare are really the only fps shooter that I have actually found half decent and bf looks so different, don't know how I'm going to cope.

I actually am regretting bf2 though, I really should have got bf3, but it really was a spur of the moment type decision so hopefully the online is still good to play, should really go see some online reviews and watch it on youtube for a bit, see if I can get the feel before I play.

School sports

So judging from the title you can see we had school sports today, athletics, eww.
Its the same every year I do athletics, I go there, I suck, maybe get a third placing some where in the 100m B sprint (but remember that's no achievement, because their are only about 10 people in my age group) and then I think to myself "Whoa, Tu, you are fat and unfit and will never win anything. This time next year how about you actually get of your fat ass and actually do something so you can compete in more then the throwing events the next year?" Of course I do not get fit and of course the next year the cycle starts all over again.

I'm actually not fat though, I'm quite skinny, just unfit. I don't understand. Thank god I'm good in the water though otherwise my team would disown me.

But we won today, yay! :)

So I really want to say since next year will be my last athletics ever I should honestly try and get fit for them and win age group champion, especially since I won't have the grade above to contend with next year, but if I say its what I'm going to do and try for two weeks and give up then that's really going to suck balls.

Also you know those pretty girls that will do anything to be skinny and pretty and popular, well I've got no shortage of those sorts of girls in my grade and they love nothing more then looking good, winning, and being good in sports. They have been running and cycling and eating celery sticks for years. I would only have one year, I would never catch up. It would be impossible.

I have soooo much homework and school to catch up on since I haven't been able to go for ages.

Also I brought my xbox into my room and, obviously, hooked it up into the table in my room, so hopefully since I spend all my time in here doing work and sleeping and napping and wasting time on the internet I should find a bit more time to be on it. Hopefully.

My muscles hurt, god I'm weak, I really should take up that goal one day.

Its worse seeing the people that always win and having to sit there and clap like a loser.

I don't even know what to say about today.
This is about all I did
sorry

xo

dfghjk

Meh, no one reads the title

Had all my classes alone today, plus two spares. A very slow day indeed, I don't mind being on my on, but I was having a very blah day and there always seems to be one annoying person you just can't tolerate walk into the room, sit next to me and start talking to me. Can't handle that shit today.

Boyfriend came over today to play cod, god he is cute :)

I've had two nights in a row without intense homework. What is wrong with the world. This never happens to anyone, especially to me with my subjects. I've actually been.. relaxing it feels so strange.

Does anyone know if bio oil is any good? I've decided to start using to hopefully help the mark I have on my legs, scars and random marks everywhere. Its out of control.

Sorry for wasting space on the internet. I'm just bored.

Just bored

Well I've haven't been able to play xbox lately but some how I have found time to gain a second part time job. Yep, I now work not only in a Asian style fish and chip shop but I also work in a supermarket. Not only am I grill bitch, but a deli girl as well now, not to mention that I'm also a volunteer projection girl at the cinema and go to school, plus I need to fit friends and a boyfriend in there somewhere.

As much as I love a busy and active lifestyle, I don't know how I'm going to get my hours up on my learners before I turn 18! It just feels like I'm never going to get there and 18 is approaching so fast. Also to mention that I hate driving! I'm not scared that I'm going to crash or anything, I'm scared I'm going to do something wrong, or someone is going to crash into me. You know how many crazy drivers there are out there, especially driving in the city considering I learnt to drive in a paddock with nothing to contend with but a couple of horses.

Although I haven't had time for fable or cod, I have had a little bit of time for dance central 3 on the kinect! Yes, I know, I'm so, so lame, but getting of the couch and moving is good for you, you know? Also using the kinect for games is much better then then wii, because you can include your whole body so you can't possible do it by sitting on the couch with a remote.

I have only had one day at the deli and the slicer scares me already! Not as much as driving, but every time someone wanted something sliced I had a gut feeling of impending doom. I'll probably slice my fingers off one day.

Had physics homework I wanted to get done tonight, but procrastinating paid of and now its too late and I think its basically my bed time (which changes on a day to day basis)
Time for green tea and bed I say :)